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At times, a 22-year-old from Los Angeles is convinced he is “the greatest person on planet Earth”. As a diagnosed narcissist, his periods of extreme self-importance can become “highly unrealistic”, he admits. You’re riding high and you’re like, ‘The world will recognize that I surpass everyone else … I’m destined for greatness for the world’.”

For Spring, these episodes of self-aggrandisement are typically succeeded by a “crash”, during which he feels deeply emotional and embarrassed about his actions, making him particularly vulnerable to criticism from external sources. He first suspected he might have NPD after researching his symptoms online – and eventually evaluated by a clinician. But, he questions he would have taken the label if he hadn’t already reached that understanding on his own. Should you attempt to inform somebody that they have NPD, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he comments – especially if they experience a sense of being better. “They’re in a delusional world that they’ve constructed. And in that mindset, I’m the greatest and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Clarifying The Condition

Though people have been called narcissists for more than a century, it’s not always clear what is meant by the label. “Everyone calls everybody a narcissist,” explains an expert in narcissism, who believes the word is “applied too broadly” – but when it comes to a clinical identification, he notes many people conceal it, due to widespread prejudice linked to the condition. Someone with NPD will tend to have “an exaggerated self-image”, “a lack of empathy”, and “a strategy of using people to enhance their social status through actions such as pursuing power,” the expert clarifies. Those with NPD may be “deeply egotistical”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he states.

Emotional connections were never important about anyone really, so relationships weren’t a priority relationships seriously

Variations by Gender in The Disorder

Although a significant majority of people diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder are men, research suggests this figure does not mean there are fewer narcissistic women, but that female narcissism is more often presented in the vulnerable narcissism type, which is under-identified. Narcissistic traits in men tends to be somewhat tolerated, as with everything in society,” notes an individual who discusses her co-occurring conditions on social media. Frequently, the two disorders co-occur.

Personal Struggles

I find it difficult with handling criticism and rejection,” she explains, “because if I hear that the issue lies with me, I often enter self-protection or I become unresponsive.” Even with this reaction – which is sometimes referred to as “narcissistic injury”, she has been trying to overcome it and listen to guidance from her support system, as she strives not to return into the damaging patterns of her past. My past relationships were toxic to my partners in my youth,” she admits. Via therapeutic interventions, she has been able to manage her condition better, and she explains she and her partner “have a dynamic where I told him, ‘When I speak manipulatively, when I use toxic language, address it {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

She grew up primarily in the care of her father and explains there was an absence of positive role models as a child. “I’ve been learning continuously what is and is not appropriate to say in conflicts because I never had that growing up,” she says. “Nothing was off-limits when my family members were insulting me when I was growing up.”

Root Causes of NPD

Conditions like NPD tend to be linked to difficulties as a child. Heredity is a factor,” explains a mental health specialist. But, when someone develops narcissistic traits, it is often “connected with that individual’s particular early environment”. Those traits were “a coping mechanism in some ways to survive at a very early age”, he adds, when they may have been ignored, or only shown love that was dependent on meeting particular demands. They then “continue to use those familiar tactics as adults”.

In common with many of the individuals with NPD, one individual thinks his parents “may be narcissists themselves”. The 38-year-old shares when he was a child, “the focus was always on them and their work and their social life. So it was like, don’t bother us.” When their attention turned to him, it came in the form of “significant demands to achieve good grades and professional advancement, he recalls, which made him feel that if he didn’t meet their standards, he wasn’t “good enough”.

In adulthood, none of his relationships were successful. “I’ve never cared about anyone really,” he says. Therefore, I never treated relationships seriously.” He didn’t think forming deep connections, until he met his current partner of three years, who is facing similar challenges, so, in a comparable situation, finds it hard to manage emotional regulation. She is “very supportive of the stuff that goes on in my head”, he notes – it was actually she who initially thought he might have NPD.

Seeking Help

Subsequent to a consultation to his doctor, John was referred to a mental health professional for an assessment and was informed of his condition. He has been put forward for psychological counseling via government-funded care (a long period of therapy is the only treatment that has been proven effective NPD patients, specialists note), but has been on the treatment delay for 18 months: “They said it is expected around early next year.”

He has shared with a handful of people about his condition, because “prejudice is common that the disorder equates to toxicity”, but, in his own mind, he has embraced the diagnosis. “It helps me to understand myself better, which is always a good thing,” he comments. Those interviewed have acknowledged their condition and are looking for support for it – hence being willing to talk about it – which is possibly not the norm of all people with the condition. But the presence of individuals sharing their stories and the rise of digital groups suggest that {more narcissists|a growing number