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Basic Toilet Humor

Toilet humor has long been the comfort zone for daily publications, and publications remain attentive to significant toilet tales and milestones, notably connected to soccer. Readers were entertained to discover that an online journalist a well-known presenter has a West Brom-themed urinal within his residence. Spare a thought regarding the Barnsley supporter who interpreted the restroom rather too directly, and needed rescuing from an empty Oakwell stadium following dozing off in the toilet during halftime of a 2015 loss versus the Cod Army. “His footwear was missing and had lost his mobile phone and his hat,” elaborated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And who can forget at the pinnacle of his career with Manchester City, the Italian striker visited a nearby college to use the facilities back in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, before entering and requesting where the toilets were, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” an undergraduate shared with local Manchester media. “Later he simply strolled round the campus acting like the owner.”

The Lavatory Departure

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century since Kevin Keegan stepped down as England manager after a brief chat within a restroom stall with FA director David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat versus Germany during 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the legendary venue. As Davies remembers in his diary, his private Football Association notes, he stepped into the wet troubled England locker room right after the game, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams motivated, the two stars urging for the official to reason with Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies discovered him collapsed – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, whispering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to salvage the situation.

“What place could we identify for a private conversation?” recalled Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Merely one possibility emerged. The toilet cubicles. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history happened in the old toilets of a venue scheduled for destruction. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I shut the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I can’t motivate the players. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Consequences

And so, Keegan resigned, eventually revealing he viewed his tenure as national coach “without spirit”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I found myself going and training the blind team, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It’s a very difficult job.” The English game has progressed significantly over the past twenty-five years. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers are no longer present, while a German now sits in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year's international tournament: National team followers, value this time. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Live Updates

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women's major tournament coverage concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Daily Quotation

“There we stood in a long row, clad merely in our briefs. We were Europe’s best referees, premier athletes, inspirations, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We barely looked at each other, our gazes flickered a bit nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina inspected us completely with a chilly look. Quiet and watchful” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures match officials were formerly exposed to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What does a name matter? A Dr Seuss verse exists titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to take care of the first team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and awarded some merch, I've opted to write and offer a concise remark. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the school playground with kids he expected would overpower him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his option to move to Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|